Did I say that out loud?!

Incoming transmission from Autoblog headquarters, it's .. . blog27 - Transform and rollout!

As it turns out I am still alive, I know, sometimes I even surprise myself. This thing tells me that it's been five weeks since I last posted something on here. It's pretty sad when even the Internet reminds you how lazy you are. Now I have nowhere to run. Many things have passed and life has moved on quickly as usual. Kids have started soccer last week and it, like most things is feast or famine. Last year we had the weakest, lamest, uninspiring sack of coach that I had ever met. This year it's Sergent Soccer, I gave him a quote, and I think he should use it- Kick goals or kick rocks!! -I like it though. Another thing that I believe I touched on in the last blog was the robbery. Well you know as much as I do, apparently cap'n crunch and inspector gadget have too much on their plate to return any one of the 15 calls i made to tell me anything at all. Not too hard really, and I would have some idea, kinda like this. . .. ring .. ring...
Me-Hello ...
Him-This is Dick Tracy from stole things division may I please speak with Karl.
Me-Yeah this is he, what do you know?
Him- Well, I got nothin, honestly, we haven't even looked, but .. small fish..- you catch me.
Me-Ok, thank you for the notice . . Dick!. . I mean officer Tracy.
Him-Right on *click*
---dial tone---
See it took me three times longer to type it out than it would to say it, so that would be three point fifteen(repeating of course) minuets. If I don't get anything back I have some short term investments I can cash in with Oklahoma and Kansas Lotto, I know what your thinking -two states? That's because I like to keep my portfolio diverse.

Another small fun fact for all you readers out there, I lie to my wife but haven't found a way to do it well. After almost 10 years of practice, you would think. .. anyway I will take pointers from anyone.
Turns out if you don't feel like going BACK into a store that you just walked OUT of, as to avoid looking like an ass. You can't just look at your wife dead in the eye and tell her they don't have it! Well you could if she didn't know that you didn't even bother to look. Then you go BACK in the store anyway and then go OUT to the car and she'll still be there. Now, so will you, stupid ass item in hand. What kind of crap is that, what is next? The kids leaving the toilet seat up thing gonna be gone too?!!

I know your all wanting to hear about my work too, really I say too much, I just can't. Oh . . what the hell. Work has been interesting to say the least. It turns out that House was right, you can't cure the common cold! And by you, I mean anyone in the whole damn world, like not even your local ER, AMAZING huh. Many of my charts begin like this
Patient presents to ED with cough since last night and patient states fever of 110 at home. Current temp of patient is 98.4 degrees. Patient also complaining of nausea and vomiting, at least when their mouth is not full of Funyuns and Dr. Pepper. Patient has also had a headache for the last month.
Let's break that little nurses summery down for just a sec.

A - cough since last night - We in the ER are not fortunate enough to be able to hand out medals, you know like the ones they give men and women for losing limbs fighting for our country. If we did then braving a cough for approx. 24 hours would definitely get one!!
B - fever of 110 at home - We in the ER are somewhat familiar with physiology, for some reason our teachers required us to learn it, before even beginning to help people. If your going to tell us a high temp to send us running for the crash cart then at least go to your local library and google "high temps without causing death" that will help you not look that much more stupider. I think I misspelled stupider... whatever.
C - Complaining of Nausea and Vomiting when you bring crappy snack foods WITH you -We in the ER find the facts a little hard to stomach, when you can be cramming yours full, and telling us your tummy hurts at the same time. No matter what Big mama told you, little debbie is not the "home remedy" version of TUMS!
That brings us to D - headache for a month - We in the ER have a little secret that they let you know of your 4th semester of nursing school or 2nd year residency if your a doctor. We are allowed to use the magic wands only and I repeat ONLY in an EMERGENCY situation. Month long headaches should have been treated by Personal Physician three weeks prior to arrival. If the patient did not go to a clinic (yes there is a free one) or doctor three weeks ago for what would have been a "week long" head ache, then a month later it is not an emergency.

If this is the case than their should be no need to go to an EMERGENCY room - holy crap I just realized that it is even in the name of the place!!- emergency! WOW!

I think I have said enough, and it is a good thing I am somewhat anonymous, because once that magic wand thing hits YouTube. America's gonna be pissed we don't get more of those things!

Peace